Nothing Is Sacred

Becky's Take on Life, Love, Motherhood and Other Random Stuff

Give me a moment, please?!? July 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Becky @ 9:34 pm
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I love being with my kids. They are funny and cute, serious and wise– and yes, sometimes annoying. Nothing sets my teeth on edge faster than the shrill screams of , “he’s touching me,” or “she scratched me.” (There is no justice for the little brother whose big sister has fingernails.) All in all they are good kids, even when Z9 gets a little yakkity-yak. I figure he’s just making up for the first 4 years of his life when he kept silent and let Z11 do all his talking for him.

Still, I long for a trip to the bathroom that does not feature someone screaming my name and tracking me down, then knocking on the door and asking, “what are you doing in there?” I’m in the bathroom with the door closed. What do they think I am doing in there– underwater basket weaving in the tub?

Usually in the evenings I retire to my boudoir where I work on the laptop, maybe watch a little TV, or read a book. Do I do this alone? God forbid! They troop in behind me carrying their hobbies, Nintendos, books or whatever else they can find (which is also why my bedroom looks like a receptacle for abandoned toys) and we spend “quality” time together. This often consists of them either fighting over what they are going to watch on TV or telling me they don’t like what I’m watching. It has apparently completely escaped their notice that there are two other, fully-functional, cable televisions less than 100 feet from this room.

Generally,  the quality time is fine. I don’t watch much TV, so they are free to spend the evening with “Phineas & Ferb” if they like, and we can visit with each other throughout the evening. However, just let me try to watch something on TV I really want to see and all hell breaks loose. Suddenly Z9 has a mosquito bite that needs treatment. “Can you fix it at the next commercial, mom?” “Son, I’m watching PBS, there are no commercials. Just come here and I will take care of it.” He then feels compelled to tell me the names, ages, birthdates and character traits of every person in the computer game he is playing. Z11 is wanting help navigating through something else on a different computer. My mother calls– twice.

At this point, all I want to  know is “whodunit?” It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t already seen the crime committed, but no, they let me get interested in it before they try to drag me away from it. “Okay guys, just let me see the end of this and find out who did it.” “It’s Miss Marple, mom, you already said you’ve read all the books.” Oh thank you 11-year-old fount of wisdom. But this is a film production I’ve never seen before and it’s been 14 years since I read the books. I’ve given birth since then, and God help me, I’ve left brain cells scattered all over southwest Oklahoma and north Texas.

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Further Adventures in Dating July 6, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Becky @ 2:09 am
Tags: , , , ,

Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

I cancelled my subscription to the online dating site several months ago, yet I continue to get emails from them with the “blank silhouette photo” and enticing words like “meet Joe- is he the one you’re looking for?” Of course, this is all an attempt to get me to sign back up and pay some ridiculously astronomical membership fee. I think not.

So, whilst sifting through my email this morning I find that I am, once again, being wooed by a faceless man. “Meet John*- he could be that someone special.” I glance down and see that John* is 43, lives in the OKC area, is 5’10” (here comes the part you can’t make up) and a maintenance man at a pig farm. Uh huh.

I am all for honesty when filling out your online profiles, but I believe if that was my job I would lie, at least until I got the girl to go on a few dates with me. If it seemed like she liked me and wanted to see more of me, then I would drop the bomb on her. “Honey, I  like you, so I want to tell you what I really do for a living. I am the janitor over at Bill’s Pig Farm.” If she doesn’t run screaming into the night, it’s true love. But, I’m going to be up front with you John*, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a woman say her dream man worked down on the pig farm.

Hey, the guy has a job, and it sounds like an honest living (if not a particularly clean one), but maybe he could fancy up that description a bit.  “Chief Engineer of Swine Habitation” makes the job sound a bit more palatable. Not to mention sounding a lot less like he’s got 3 teeth in his head and reeks of pig poo at the end of the day.

Have you noticed the ads that say things like “Meet Catholic Singles,” “Meet Single Dads,” “Meet Christian Singles,” etc. ? And have you noticed how all the men in those ads are particularly good looking? Women look at them and think “Hot Damn! I could snag me a good-looking, rich (Catholic, Christian, single dad) guy if I join this website. Ha, ha and double ha!

Don’t be fooled ladies. When you get to the website and sign up and of course pay to be able to see pictures, you are going to be sorely disappointed. Why? Because there are no single, good-looking men trying to find true love on these sites. It’s the same guy with a plug of chaw in his cheek and a job as a pig farmer that is on every other dating site you’ve visited.