It occurred to me that I will have been divorced a year next month. I have yet to date anyone. It’s not that there is anything wrong with that. It has been time well used, getting my head together, thinking about the things I really want from my life, and figuring out how to avoid the same mistakes I’ve been making for the last 20 or so years.
So, no, I haven’t been out there lookin’ for me a man to bring home. I mentioned in a previous post that I had looked into an online dating site. I did the free registration thing and the prospects were not good. First of all, I’m 5’10”. They kept sending me matches that were 5’5″ and not much taller. What am I supposed to do with that? He would be visiting with my chest, and unless my breasts learn to speak, the conversation is going to be extremely limited. Can you imagine dancing with someone 5 inches shorter? It would give a whole new meaning to “Put Your Head on My Shoulder.” (Uh, dude, that is NOT my shoulder)
Then there was what I like to refer to as “The Oklahoma Factor.” It turns out that men from Oklahoma have a propensity to wear a lot of camouflage, and pose next to mounted animal heads for their photos,(because nothing says romance like Bambi’s mom hanging on the wall in the den.) and, of course, there are those who like to deck themselves out in cowboy regalia. Gentlemen, you are trying to attract a woman, not a woodland creature, or a steer. Most women (obviously not all) are put off by the appearance of dead animals hanging on a wall. Reconsider your profile picture and have your buddy Bubba take a candid of you without the cowboy hat that covers your face and the belt buckle that covers your stomach and thighs. If you want to spend your weekends shooting at God’s creatures adorned in camouflage overalls, go for it, but for having your photo taken some jeans and a decent shirt make very nice attire.
Understand, I am no beauty queen. I know that. No one is ever going to refer to me as “the hot chick.” I do, however, practice good personal hygiene, wear clothes that don’t look like I purchased them at the local farm supply store, and keep my wall decor down to some artwork and photos.
All of this has left me wondering if it is too late for me to find someone special. I am no longer the dreamer that I was as a teen, and I realize that romantic love is nice at first, but real love is the guy who holds your hair back while you are puking because you are carrying his child. Or, do I even want to find someone? There are advantages to living with just your children.
Admittedly, there are nights when I miss having someone to talk to at night, especially when I can’t sleep. But would I really want to give up all that extra space in the bed?