Late one night when I wasn’t sleeping I saw an ad or an infomercial, or something– you know how those things all blend together at 3 a.m.– and people were losing these incredible amounts of weight on this diet by eating 6 cookies a day, and a sensible dinner consisting of A LOT of protein and veggies.
Those of you who have known me for longer than a week know that I have been fighting weight issues since I was in utero. It has been a difficult battle. While pregnancy #1 was kind to me and I actually came out of it 20 lbs thinner than I went in, I was not so lucky with pregnancy #2. I had a high risk pregnancy, was intermittently put on bedrest, and had ankles that looked like the Michelin Man’s. It was not pretty, and much of the weight I gained stayed around to haunt me for the last 9 years.
So, and I bet you already guessed this, I decided to try the “cookie diet.” I checked out the website thoroughly to make sure these weren’t packed with ephedra or meth, and they aren’t. They are organic and healthful. (I read that as tasteless) After checking out the different packages and realizing the cost was a bit prohibitive, I decided to go with 2 weeks worth of cookies to help me get used to eating 6 small meals a day and give me jumpstart on weight loss.
The cookies arrive. I check the ingredients and nutrition label. Everything seems okay. I leave them on my bar. Ex comes to house with kids so they can get something. I’m not home. He eats 3 cookies. (The instructions clearly say not to eat more than one at a time.) I discover missing cookies and give him hell. They cost $1.59 each and weren’t meant to satisfy his sweet tooth. I hope his colon got a good scrubbing from all that fiber.
Day 1- It goes pretty well. These are not so much cookies as small snack cakes. There is that nagging suspicion at the back of your brain that you might actually be eating sawdust. But it is sawdust with some carob chips, so you choke it down. I eat the cookies in 2-3 hour intervals as instructed. I don’t feel hungry. I have a chicken breast the size of my foot to satisy the 10-12 oz. protein at dinner rule, along with a big bowl of veggies with some seasoning.
Day 2- I wake up feeling pretty good about things. The scale indicated I might already have shed a little weight. I grab my morning cookie and glass of water and get the kids to school. By the time I make it to work, a gas bubble so big it could have brought down a buffalo has lodged between my shoulder blades. I have been over-fibered. I am in some serious pain, but I have a magazine to proof and return to the printer, so there’s no slacking off. The pain subsides by noon, but have no desire to eat or drink ANYTHING.
By the time I drag my weary body home, I am in no mood to prepare a meal, but saute some shrimp and vegetables and throw together a salad. I make a mental note of how I prepared the shrimp, because it was pretty good. I read to divert myself from snacking thoughts and sleep well.
Day 3- I’ve never been much of a breakfast eater, so having only the cookie for breakfast is no big deal, but I am starting to miss lunch. I discover I can have part of my dinner protein at lunch (but no veggies then). I will certainly be trying that tomorrow. I am in the produce section of WalMart when I realize that they have placed the donut case next to the fruits and veggies. What, I ask you, is wrong with that picture? After resisting the urge to take a dive into the apple fritters, I acquire my healthy turkey breast from the deli counter.
So, can I do this for 11 more days? I can. All while being astounded at how much food is shown on TV and mentioned in books. *sigh*